When Substack Becomes Dear Diary
Mental Work Outs
Dear Substack,
Yesterday I witnessed too much of myself in videos and other peoples writing. OH boy. I watched a video on ADHD and social cues. That was bang on truth smacking me in the face. I didn’t realize that is how I was internalizing and responding to others. Then I read this article that also made me feel like I was in an MMA fight dancing around and avoiding mental punches that I couldn’t deny. Yes, I still behave according to that article which was stating that I don’t have to accommodate who I am in order to be loved. Fuk it triggers me just to write that out.
This morning I’m scattered and shattered by all the noise in my head. I need to start monitoring how many data points I take in online so my mind can recover offline. More adulting, great. Yes the self-care list goes on and on and on.
These are the tough moments when I want to just crawl into my rabbit hole and wait for winter to be over. I didn’t work out this morning. I can do it later I told myself. I just didn’t want to wake up in adrenaline. Its not my preference so why do I do it? Because the 5am club says it’s the best thing ever. I do enjoy the benefit of having worked out already in my day.
Too much overthinking and not enough BEING.
I am not going to ask much of myself today. That is my reply to myself. And I’m sticking to that and no explaining why. I don’t need to and that’s how the cycle breaks. That is a work out all in itself. A mental one.
So what can I do?
In these times I find physical action is what is required despite my judgement about skipping my workout.
This is what happens though, I get too mentally overun so when I need to take action I’m too mentally exhausted to know which is the right choice. I swear, alot, seriously, I swear this is how I get derailed all the time.
Slow it down and breath.
My tinnitus is already buzzing me head like a bee hive.
Decision:
Today I accept myself and stop explaining and reasoning why I need to keep all my love for myself.
Muah,
XOXOX